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october, november, i want to remember

by ghosts and leviathans

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1.
another night 02:34
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another night with you another night of feeling blue another night what do i do to get myself on top of you but you turn around and go to sleep but when you want it you grab me i go rigid in my sleep nightmares washing over me drive me somewhere in the distance where everyone starts to miss us drive into the black abyss bloody knuckles, broken wrists you turn around and smile at me i close my eyes so i cant see the feelings that you show to me ive taught myself how not to breathe i think were on our final legs drop the crutches, hold our heads up proud as we say goodbye know it was fun, at least we tried pick me up for one last drive one last kiss with tongues you cry run your hand right down my leg the haze is moving from my head i walk home, the porchlights on you knew that i would drop the bomb the only thing you didn't know is how hard it would blow
2.
look at me 02:38
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i walked towards you, my heart was alive i held you so tight like I thought I would die I cant describe the feeling you bring to my head Like the haze has been lifted, an absence of dread And my heart breaks to know your head is broken like mine Maybe its why we can laugh until we cry Falling on pavements in smoky daylights We'll probably never be alright But look at me Look into my eyes and see You make me so happy You taught me how to breathe Everytime we go out its a fucking disaster Fall in the gravel punch holes in the plaster But when we lie on the ground listening to old songs Ive never felt quite like I was ever meant to belong So much, you know that you stitch up the darkness I wish that I could suck out all of the badness Leave you with nothing but joy in your eyes But I sense the fear and I wish I knew why Look at me Tell me why your lungs are caving in, please see That ill always be here for you Please dont leave, I beg, please You taught me that you cannot save anyone But I dont try to numb you from pain for my fun Your melodies soar the grime of my soul You saved me from hell so can I please stitch up the holes I love you, stay with me We can do anything you want to I would lie forever with you in a cold piano room
3.
more 03:00
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some of those bones have still got meat on them maggots crawling through the holes throughout them take a bite i dare you boy ill pay you to take the plunge rip the final chunks of flesh from what had once been something more, more, more rip my jumper off revealing secrets you had never guessed you like it when im naked but i like it when youre well dressed breathing softly next to me my favourite asthmatic wheezer lay my head on you till I sick from guilt, a violet fever ill decide if i want you at all when your heart begins to bleed grab me as the tears roll from your eyes and you are heaving im a pretty mess wrapped up in ugly knitted sweaters im dark and twisted thats what you told me you didnt know but thats the real me now youre so fucked youre in love with me im so good at using and youre barely breathing
4.
boys 02:26
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I think ive had enough of boys / they weave their way into my head, but leave the seams undone / they scrape the tissue from my skull, they kiss me but its no fun / and everytime I start to feel, a sprightly joy across my heart / I put my foot into my mouth and TEAR THE FUCKING THING APART Brief bursts of joy only serve to make the pain feel even worse / I cant tell if Im actually going crazy or if Im actually going to burst Maybe I am just a cry, crybaby / Everything just gets to me / When I dont get any attention / When they just dont understand me And they are such hypocrites too / Can't decide if they love me / You cant be upset by something, then laugh at it loudly They puncture skin on my neck, not with their teeth, but with their twisted tongues / These empty promises shake me / Im crawling through the dirt And I am the worst of all / I leave them hanging by a thread / Too scared to bring them closer, when I do the loss I dread
5.
i made it out alive (but what for) 04:37
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this isnt some feeling that i am quite used, the bitter fear yes but the aching is quite new / it comes in waves, each bigger than the last / i lay in a haze praying to god it will pass I was having the time of my life / spinning round, kissing boys running through the night / but now i've been shaken / my heart is now breaking / and i dont have the energy for the fight cause I've tread this road before / AND I MADE IT OUT ALIVE BUT WHAT FOR / i put it on silent cos i wanted to die / now he's come back and he's twice the force / i thought i was so content / laughing until tears streamed down my face / driving through the night, feeling quite alright, what a joke did i just get the demo for happiness / once the trial expires you'll have to pay or beg / all of your friends start to leave, new ones dissapear, alone like you've never felt / and you have one or two, but they come and go / like apparitions passing through concrete walls / and i'm tired of trying, im so sick of lying / i just want to sit down and cry chorus sit with me under the stars / im not looking for a date but for you to wrap your arm / around my sad broken frame, help me deal with the pain / LAST NIGHT WAS THE WORST OF THEM ALL / i lay in bed hoping that the sky would fall / everything was closing in, past present future sin

about

these last few months have been crazy so this is just a very brief snapshot of the highs and lows that have been my life

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released December 26, 2016

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